35. The Search for the Eternal Fall

IIn this episode, we stumble back to our mics with October rants and delights. After a somewhat sticky start, we launch into a topic-packed hour of just the sort of loosely-connected content you all haven’t been missing. We are here now. Are you? After William donates to a mystery candidate, he unlocks The Age of Emails and searches for a way to unsubscribe to the election. Scott battles with a lower-than-Eliza-level (look it up, nerds) personal assistant who ironically doesn’t understand the concept of mobile devices. Shorn T., Phone Home! We agree that nobody ordered iMessage a la modal. Heck, we don’t even have time to fade in. William has gone far Beyond the Porch and back and shares his thoughts on his recent trip to Hawaii. It’s all about sunscreen, crafty mosquitoes, introverted snorkeling and some isolated yak shaving in a bitchin’ Camaro drop-top “upgrade”. Join Diabetic Gecko and their opening band Live Liquid Lava for a tropical tour of the Big Island. The walk alone might kill you. Music in Rearview is next as we dig deep into the music bucket and find the curiously-titled “Octoberfest – Octoberfest (Octoberfest)” by Octoberfest on Octoberfest Records straight from the high-energy and over-hyphenated Germans (of which I appear to be one). Weasels are shot. Tens are zoomed. Alex Lifeson pops in to screw up the tempo. Languages are not translated well. Oompahs are all over the place before we are done. Now THAT’S a drunken autumnal party! After we discover that all the October holidays are screwed up, Scott leaves on a quest for the Andes, William gives up and turns nasty, and we glide to the end with a 20-minute post-credit bonus segment on television horror porn masquerading as drama for some reason. That’ll teach ya!

Try as you might, there’s just no escaping this episode! We begin with some breaking (baking?) potato news that proves you can have your cake and not eat it too. Scott is three-sheds to the wind as a powerful sheddiction takes hold of his family. Will Santa’s little helper win the battle of rooftop décor? Who will be forced to live above Mr. C’s garage? I shedder to think of it. We shed just move on. William gets some much needed advice on the art of taking vacations from the irreplaceable Master we’d all love to replace. We rant about the latest harbinger of the End of Days – the Amazon DASH button and find that we have more questions than answers. William shares a story of not escaping an escape room, which prompts Scott to up the ante in a NSFER way before suggesting an idea that hits a bit too close to home. Turns out there’s no escaping the enigma of parenthood. We end with Music in Rearview as we visit with the Sith Lord Roy Clark (Darth Fingers) for 37 minutes of pleasure wrapped up in a 36.73-minute shell. All this for under a buck! Impressive. Most impressive. We delve into the mystery that is Hee-Haw and the mystery that is Roy Clark’s impending non-death before William has some kind of podcasting meltdown and we decide to get out while the getting is good.

33.  Men ‘o Pause

In this episode, we return to play with our extremities. After our Sabbatical respite of tacit ablutions, it’s time to get down to the business of casting our pods. William is in the eye of the summer chaos storm where he faces both faulty layovers and an excess of planning. Could a clothing-optional puddle-jumper be in his future? As a 138-year-old-man, Scott reminisces about a past escape from Jekyll Island and shares his One Rule to Vacation Them All. We find common ground in our Great Expectations and agree that in the end, fun is fun, but home is where it is at. As we slowly ramble into our main topic, we discover that somebody is taking our mediocre ideas and running with them, which means we have at least one listener left. Turns out the secret is us! Then it is time for our Word(s) of the Week. Everything is amped up these days which causes us to muse on the topics of the casual and the extreme, the doing versus the experiencing. Our message is one of stillness and slowness. Don’t push that envelope all the time. Even the messiah birds know that. Our meandering path takes us to the Olympics where we investigate the changing levels of competition and our limits as humans before ending up where we always end up, with flexible women shooting arrows with their feet. Jealous much? Full of hot air, we drone onward towards the familiar shores of Music in Rearview. Hurrah! Fresh off the Goodwill rack, Len Krisson stops by with his extreme volume pedal and tomorrow’s organ today. We drop the needle and see where Mr. Dynamic Range takes us. And where he takes us is on a Moonlit journey of curious musical choices until we finally have to speed things along. Yes, it’s time to take our secret notes and find a nice, low hill to roll down… To the extreme!

32. No Wonder it’s Dark

Did you know that this podcast existed before this podcast started? Well, it’s true. As we continue our vacations, both actually and mentally, feast your ears back to the final part of the final episode of the podcast that turned into this podcast before it was a podcast. (Checking his notes)… Eh, it’s all very timey-wimey. Just try to keep up. (Throws his notes away). Yes, it’s a pre-show spectacular, a lifting of the curtain, a peek behind-the-scenes, a scrap under the table, but mainly a cheap way for us to get away with posting something quickly while we drink wine coolers and check on our tans. There’s no other way to describe it. Honestly. I’ve listened to it three times and still don’t know what I’m listening to. Enjoy.

31. Bocce Bird

In this episode, we go on vacation! Things get squirrelly, random, off-kilter and weird at Up And Overcast Central as we give over to the powers of summer and all the delightful chaos it can bring. But don’t worry. This mini-episode is packed full of podcasting flavor and there’s much more Amateur Hour to come! After all, what’s better than a full episode of our show? HALF an episode! We begin as we usually do with some follow-up. William finds that OS stands for Oh Sh*t as Apple once again crashes his world around him. Time to install a new William. Then it’s the return of the crowd-pleasing, highly-rated Varmint News as the war against Scott’s remaining vehicles heats up and he is forced to take a particularly odiferous response against possible Vanhogs. Beyond the Porch brings the visceral slaughter that is crab fest as William has flashbacks to 2015’s messy Crustacean Operation by Milton Crabley. But wait! The unthinkable has happened! Jo gets on a literal roll with a pallino and a bocce Cinderella story while also managing to save her job. It’s a nerd dream nearly come true, which is good enough in our book. Not to be outdone, William takes on a squat-thrust challenge masquerading as a bocce official. It’s an old pattern that Scott can identify with if he can figure out the right direction to run. Let’s not get Physical. Physical. Scott looks forward to the Wide Gamut of Terror Machines as he plans for a day at Cedar Point with the family amid a plethora of bruising amusement devices. But what’s a summer without the Columbia Record Club Special? Not a summer I want to be a part of. Music in Rearview brings us the Go-Gos and their mystery keyboardist, which causes William to realize that he doesn’t really understand how rock bands work and as a result he goes a bit staccato. As Scott ponders his Dab Smack Go-Gos farewell tour dilemma, things go from weird to weirder and we quickly ride off into the Venus-level heat of August. Lactation… err… Vacation Ho!

30. Raccoons Ate my Subaru

In this episode, we are not nurtured by nature. After a long week with a summer cold and the working man blues, William is rebooted to find himself recording a podcast again. Is this thing still on? We go full nerd alert to discover that Agile is less than agile at 1am, get distracted by abstracting abstractions, and find that in the end everything new is old again. Or maybe new dogs have the same old tricks. Nevertheless, our radical old ideas may mean the end of the tech book business if that’s still a thing the kids are into. Not wanting to incur the wrath of Big Book, we move on. Let the Graybeards sort it out if you can find one. Scott scores an achievement by unlocking his apnea solution but needs an emergency social media intervention. With all this Horrible News from the World Wide World, phones become a pellet-providing lab experiment of endless-loop reward-seeking. William is definitely lured in by the hit as well, and we figure out an answer of sorts that may involve podcasting forever. And yes we talk about Pokemon Go again. We try not to. Honestly. But come on. Then it’s time to visit the Raccoon News Desk for a breaking beastie bulletin! Did I mention that the raccoons are revolting? We have more proof as Scott goes to war with a masked trash addict who has an expensive penchant for the taste of wiring and plastic. Sometimes nature has an abhorrent lack of healthy boundaries. Time for Scott to add some spice to that relationship. William has been there as well and shares a story of the time his attempts at pest eradication may have accidentally spawned an army of super squirrels. Groundhogs are battling rabbits. Coyote pee is everywhere. Honestly, nature is a mess. And what happened to that pesky raccoon? Scott is a legitimate businessman. I’m sure he knows nothing about it. Bada Bing. Enough said. Feel like protesting what you’ve just heard? Well, you are in luck. Scott is also riled up and needs some protest music of his own. The answer is found in an unlikely source as we once again attempt to legitimize Rush for the masses. If you think of them as a band you can smoke dope to, or libertarian whackjobs (or both), there’s much more to them than that. Music in Rearview brings you two songs from the album “Snakes and Arrows” that illustrate we live as we are shown, that what we’re shown is how we behave, and that what we teach affects the world profoundly. That is the way the wind blows. And for us, it blows towards the future where Geddy and the boys have already been and are waiting for us to catch up. Take care, nude listeners! Whackadoodle, indeed!

29. We Have White Noise

In this episode, we keep on persevering. As the saying goes, “When life gives you lemons, you skip a podcast.” And such it was for us. A hard-hitting week behind us, we get right to it with an exposé on the purpling of mountains – only to realize that it is all fruitless. Scott experiences a Narcolapse and struggles to remain standing. William ends his lactose-intolerance denial by cutting the cheese. There’s a cow joke in there but I don’t feel like milking this topic any further. We discuss the execution of summer with a trip to a delicious-sounding desert valley, get confused by a full Trump-country moon and wonder why people are bringing their own soundtracks into nature. Could it be that William is a large and threatening predator? We reflect on our Independence Day experiences and a fireworks kerfuffle that may be part of a vast local news conspiracy. There’s smoke on the water… and fire also on the water. Pokemon? No! Seriously. Stop it. What is behind our reaction to this viral, anti-clique phenomenon? Is it justified or are we yelling at people to get off our Pokelawns? Thankfully, we have more important things to talk about. Word of the Week returns (amazingly, there are a ton of words left) with “Perseverance”. We enjoy a far-reaching conversation on how to deal with recent national and international events as the world continues to buffet us all. As problem solvers facing a problem that cannot be easily solved, we land on the only side possible. Don’t give up. Somewhere in the bit between 0 and 1 is the answer. The topic strays to the Brexit Hot Potato, then to the challenges of working in the heart of a loopy convention rock-and-roll town, and ends with words of wisdom from somebody’s aunt… or perhaps the Talmud. But wait! There’s more show! Music in Rearview deals with a musical bug in Scott’s ear that is causing some theater tech trauma. A visit from some truly bad “Company” is not going to help. Turns out a pastor won’t either. Hopefully, Hamilton will bring the subject to a close. Finally, even though we lack the proper gene it’s time to rap things up. Stay strong and if you need something to collect, listen to our past episodes! Got to catch them all! (Disclaimer: They are not rare and also not very good in a fight)

28. Miss Moral High Ground

In this episode, we travel through a maze of anxiety in order to reach a garden of melancholy. We begin with a long follow-up section wherein we discover that we may be wrong. No surprise there. Luckily, our journey is blessed by some extra English light as Miss Moral High Ground (Jo) stops by to set us straight with some jolly good thoughts on the previously-discussed differently-abled parking situation. Narrow views are opened wide. Points are clarified. Examples are concreted. However, there’s a skeptical and quite grabby invisible point system game out there that we are clearly not winning. Meanwhile, Jo is confounded by the backwards driving rules in this country and adds her own annoyances into last week’s consciousness mix. Green means stop? Red means go? Is there a point? It would be a first for us. Is Jo even right? Wait, who will correct the corrector? It’s an Inception-infused perpetual correcting machine! Maybe the people beeping behind her to move have some ideas. After showing the colonists a thing or two about the right side of the street on which to drive, Jo takes us on a deep, deep dive into Seattle traffic patterns as she addresses the pink elephant on the road – the fact that being a good citizen is a thankless job. Or maybe being confused citizens is our favorite job, because we are all quickly lost in diagramming the problem. Time to take this podcast on the road! Could it be that Miss Moral High Ground is the bad person here? Lawful good, or awful bad? If only there was a clarification coming later in this podcast. Whatever the case, the point is that it’s hard to cooperate alone. This world is block or be blocked, but at least we can all agree on the value of just staying home. Long live the Introvert Party! After 12 hours of traffic talk, we find ourselves in the very middle of our two-ended performance anxiety. Jo has had enough and makes a Joxit – a very slow, measured and polite storming off. Alone again, we turn to more follow-up as we learn how crows incubate and perhaps overstay their scientifically-defined outrage periods, that Daisy Ridley is no longer Daisy-Colored, and that while Steve Winwood and Steely Dan are reeling in the years, they are not reeling in our interest. Good news is that they are easy to miss. Bad news is that Google is listening to us right now. Then, Beyond the Porch returns for a new extended run with Summer Performance Anxiety. We must rush! We must prepare! Summer is a chaotic, limited quantity stress-ball! We pause briefly with breaking news that Miss Moral High Ground may be vindicated, but then it’s back into the thick of wild-haired, last-minute vacation planning and the lingering question – is this enough? Spoiler alert – it is. Fear of future regret grasps William. A pending clover judgement grasps Scott. As always the answer for both of us is to relax. This is where we are. Finally, it’s time for Nap Theory with William – psych! Say no more! It’s actually time for Music in Rearview and another lesson in music appreciation. We pay our first mutual visit to Uriah Heep, both the ancient ancestor on the family tree of rock and progressive gateway drug to our beloved Canadian power trios. We explore selections from Wonderworld which resonate with strange familiarities and echoing similarities before ending up at the promised Rush Garden which throws William off the deep… or is it heep… end. And with that, the ballad of our podcast comes to a close. I hope you learned something. We did. No? Oh. Well then be sure to listen after the outro music for the continuing tale of Miss Moral High Ground and the One-Way Street!

27. Empty Pimp Suits

In this episode, we traffic in Consciousness. Your cheery podcast kind-of-friends would love to explain why we are a week late, but there’s no unpacking to see here. Kindly move along to our low-energy Overview wherein Scott seeks an ancient, rare bulb unknown to humankind, enjoys some filterless cabin smoke, and battles a bad seal and a floaty rear-end. Every Murdervan is different, but it’s nothing that chemistry can’t try to fix. Fry up some toast! William is nest-adjacent to a patrolling, paroling, thwack-crazy corvid with boundary issues. Whose house IS this anyway? It may be good theater, but that equal-opportunity thwacker has us considering some wacky solutions. These head games are definitely a Caws for Alarm. Daisy Ridley seems to be feeling a bit yellow. Costa Rican skin graft? Jaundiced Jedi? Whatever the case, the turmeric is strong with this one. We’ll provide pertinent particularization on her pasty poultice post-haste! Then it’s back to square zero with Word of the Week as we explore the art of being conscient, um, conscious, wait, have a conscience (that’s it!) while you are out among the other humans. Our discussion ranges from handicapped parking space conspiracy theories to unwanted bathroom gifts to stall choice selection for Advanced Sociopaths. After considering the roaming habits of wild, free-ranging shopping carts, we end up with a traffic trilogy: “No Sense about Sensors,” “How to Passively-Aggressively Direct a Four-way Stop,” and “Go-Round-The-Wrong-Way-About: A Story of Cutting Corners.” Are shopping malls screwing it up for all of us? Will self-driving cars solve our ills? Is stopping in the wrong place the new unnamable sin? Tune in to two quality bitchers and find out! Just remember to leave a buffer stall or suffer the wrath of Scott’s scalding “I see you” glare! Finally, it’s on to Music in Rearview as we are visited by the 67 members of Traffic in their empty pimp suits. Our expectations are shattered by this down-mood jam band as we listen to Stairway to Rivendell and other jazzy, Genesisy, Phishy tunes. This IS your father’s Steve Winwood! But who is that cute girl in the video? As we sign off, we urge you to consider that other humans are not obstacles. Be mindful and provide a positive or net-zero effect. You aren’t a sucker by giving. That’s not losing. In the words of Daisy Ridley, “Do. Or do not. There is no dye.”

26. Fauxvant Garde

In this episode, we celebrate our half-year anniversary with too many brownies and just enough Murder Vans. Scott appears from the future with morbid first-hand knowledge and many adjectives to describe his levels of piss and vinegar. With Benders of Action afoot and rubbery goo at the ready, he attempts a last-ditch effort to revive the Murder Van. Sadly, chemicals are never the answer. Long live the junker jalopies! William presents a Train Pain Bonus Track that features urination targeting and multiple contusions in a tiny, lurching torture box. Can you hear me, Major Cooper? She Knows! Then the Murder Van returns to the sound of Whaaaaaaat!? It’s Manic Solutioneering with Scott Horn as he replaces ALL THE PARTS! Who needs sensibility, anyway? The phones are ringing off the hook as we raffle a lightly-killed vehicle and consider just how far Scott will go to extend a joke. Turns out he’s done this kind of thing before. With limited purchasing options, Scott solves our podcast’s recent loss by inheriting somebody else’s problems. To think, all this could have been avoided with precision editing. Congratulations, listener! William brings the Word of the Week, a Beyond the Porch sandwich, and pronoun trouble out of the queueueueue as we focus our attention on the notion of Birthdays. A brownie snafu has William texting for help and negotiating loan interest rates on dessert. Who doesn’t love big piles of sugar and frosting? Answer: Everyone over 40. Damn you, aging, healthy stomachs! Is this what regret tastes like? Then it’s time for a birthday retrospective as William learns about the long downward slide of forced married couple celebrations, Scott forgets how old he is, we reflect on an out-of-control mother-in-law fiction at the Cooper Family Christmas, and everyone eventually gets what they want – unless it’s young Scott who is out pimping hats or young, sociopathic William who finds other children disgusting. We bond over a two-year Walkie Talkie project and cry foul at Tandy toy substitutions. Never trust purple. Finally, a seamless segueway launches us into Music in Rearview. Is it word salad? What’s this magic mouth doing in the sun? How shapeless is my shoe? IS it the night? All these questions and more are answered with a green-field, genre-straddling, 1980s-iconic, deep-cut The Cars extravaganza, which you absolutely are required to enjoy. As William plays sponsorship matchmaker and Scott plays the electronic air drums, we end our podcast with a visit from an alliterative Jerry Lewis and decide that while we may not be creating art, it’s close enough for government work. Until next time, relax and and beware the egg salad!

25. Train Pains and Murdered Vans

In this episode, transportation gets the better of us. As we recover from our respective weekends, we establish some clear friendship roles before launching into our surprising 25th podcast outing. The Bad Parenting Series continues as Scott’s duplicate daughter loses a fight with a pizza crust. Vigorous chewer or magical twin teeth connection? Whatever the case, she’s a chip off the old tooth. Then, we receive an actual email with an offer that seems too good to be true, mainly for our listeners. If only we had eight bucks! Send your money orders to podcast@upandovercast.com and we promise less of us. Scott brings us a sorry tale of ignorance as the beloved Murder Van meets a slow, drippy death. It’s a swan song full of smells, noises, liquids and a last heroic journey to a four-digit fatality. The omens were there if only he could have remembered what he already knows. William commiserates with a mouthful of poison and in turn forgets what is already his nose. Looks like it’s finally the end of the Murder Van, kids… or is it? Beyond the Porch returns as William takes an ill-fated train journey to Middle Earth over Memorial Day, or was it Labor Day? William’s lack of calendar-sense once again sends Luke Pez over the edge. Listen as a romantic trip in a sleeper car turns into a 600-mile, slip-sliding, whistle-blowing, urine-holding dark night of the micro-hotel rocket sled. Duck Dynasty turned friendly but grizzled country folk, smallest closet in the universe, a bare bottom, and some shaky security prison mattresses are only a few of the stops. And what’s all this about time zones, anyway? They are always one step ahead! Luckily Jo knows how to build a proper pyramid. After his Apollo 13 capsule experiment and with a new nickname, William enters a vast, stunning, mountainous world of beauty and wildlife on a no-expectations weekend that may have changed him and his wife forever. Keep Manhattan, just give him that countryside! We end with a musical palate cleanser as Soft Cell goes inside the Soul – a bit TOO far inside the Soul as William’s flashbacks can attest to. Thankfully, it’s nothing that a decent Bond song cover and a good wiping won’t fix. Not as good as Razzle Deathgrip and the Coolant Raccoons, but what is? Not this mint, I can guarantee you that.

24. The Cup of Knowledge

In this episode, we become more disoriented than usual. Spring has arrived – for real this time – and what better way to celebrate than with the annual weighing of potatoes? Keep those russets lean, everyone! Full of a fail whale’s worth of carbros, William applauds the turning of the Earth and avoids discovering the wonders of speech-to-text. Meanwhile, down there, over here, or out there, Scott endures a clipping-heavy two-cut week. Fresh off the giddy highs of weather talk, we move into a discussion of dental hygiene. William’s MoldPik is a horror show cautionary tale that proves gravity always wins – and so might peroxide. Scott shares how a fateful trip to the dentist as a teenager in the seatbeltless 70s combined with a spit bowl’s worth of parental-provided free will gave him the power to confidently blunder. He’s faking it until the day he hopefully makes it, or dies. Luckily, he turned things around after only a few enameled casualties but still managed to pass on his dental-damaged legacy to his children. Don’t worry Mom, it all worked out! William has a similar story, which makes us wonder about parenting styles and whether our experiences with dental care were not so unusual after all. Spoiler alert; no. Should have listened more in 6th grade. William complains about the plethora of daily routines that are meant to counteract the plethora of nasty ways we mistreat our bodies in the age of computer crab people. Don’t Blink, Doctor? Got that covered. No, fellow travelers, I’m just fine… twitch. And then the podcast begins. Something happened outside! Must be time for Beyond the Porch! William heads to Microsoft for some COM-PU-TER training, attends disorientation, and suffers at the hands of a bait-and-switch mug of knowledge game that nobody wants to play. At least they fed him well. Eventually he learns to relax and let it happen to him, until what happens to him is a bit further south than desired. (No-one must know my secret). Scott heads to the Dayton Hamvention where the merchandise is about as useful as his ticket. After some quick data-gathering and general disorientation, he extrapolates disinterest and determines that this Hardware-Heavy Hobby is a non-starter. Sample the frequency spectrum kids, the world has moved on. Spring returns (how many times is this going to happen?) with Music in Rearview as we partake in yet another of the seemingly endless Columbia Special Product records, this time for Scott’s lawn care products. Yes, it’s Music of Spring, Volume 2 which comes without a timestamp on it and also, mysteriously, without Volume 1. We turn up the schmaltz levels as Tony Bennet plays a parody version of himself in real life with a wonderful song written by a wonderful person. We don’t feel okay about the tiny composite rabbit or the poppy-field child on the cover, and from the sound of it, Bobby Hackett isn’t okay either. The Eddie Van Halen of the cornet-trombone seems to be suffering from Cherry Blossom Pink narcolepsy. Not feeling as invigorated by the spring breeze as promised, we decide it’s time to stop this nonsense and make a plea for somebody to take control of this podcast and tell us what to talk about. If not, you only have yourselves to blame. There’s a fire in the data center, Bob, I gotta go! It’s my signature movement!

23. Mean Jerk Time

In this episode, two simpletons simplify. But first, the weather. It’s snowing in Columbus. It’s swinging wildly between lava melt and ice age in Seattle. What did Al Gore fail to mention? William is grumpy about an upcoming journey into the Heart of Innovation, tries to get a sandwich, and serves up a carafe of whine until Luke Pez has had enough and attempts to end it all. Scott heads to the Deep South of Kentucky to steal William’s thunder, or maybe his sandwich. We rant about the AOL of social media as William tries to bring things into focus and Scott finally becomes friends with his family. Scott won’t easily escape now, and neither will the Flash! After a prom fashion tangent, we put on our clean jeans and head to the dance. Unfortunately, the dance is the “Update Office Every Three-and-a-Half Minutes Shuffle,” which has William facing the cold, hard fact that he’s renting his entire life. As the demons pour from the Whitening, we both realize that you can’t even trust water. Our Two Topic Episode™ begins in earnest as the TV Freight Train known as Scott incubates his Silicon Valley watching into fully-funded completeness. We discuss shake weights, startup bubbles, horse sex, and nerd archetypes until we settle on a mutual love for Big Head while playing “What Silicon Valley Character Are You?” (Hint. All of them). As William finds movie scripts at the bottom of the barrel, Angle-shape approves and we all move on to Word of the Week, which is “simplify.” As William shreds all the paper in the world, he wants somebody to take his basement… please! Scott attempts to save the U.S. Postal Service only to fall victim to his “To Be Filed” pile and the curse of a null modem cable. Luckily, he has a basement dragon. It’s all about what you need to survive, and 40 gallons of cables, a SCSI bin, a milk crate of broken tools, and a ten-percent dent won’t cut it. But a knife and a shovel might. Stuff is heavy, especially if you have to bug-out to the z-axis. Scott’s house becomes a library and he considers a unique daddy master class. William becomes a cloud app for his wife, but is still looking for that sandwich. We decide, at last, that this whole digital thing is here to stay and we’re gonna need a bigger shredder. Maybe it’s time for 1952 instead. Yes, Music in Rearview is here to help as 1973’s 1952 becomes a hookup and PUA-cultured time-warped 21st anniversary for Park Davis’ Myadec High-Potency vitamins, now at popular prices! Turns out 1952 was quite the Boom-Boom era as Rosemary Clooney goes Rosemary Looney and Botches everyone in sight. What is IN that vitamin!? That’s a whole lot of Yadda Yadda Yadda! Then we visit Doris Day who cheerily tells us that a Guy is a Creep and spins a stalkery tale of, well, let’s just leave it there. Don’t follow us inside, even if you do look familiar – and do NOT finish that song! So, with a licka-licka stamp, William visits a few days into the future where hopefully we will have this whole thing figured out. Clutch those PDFs, Grandpa.  Everything must go, save the iTarp!

22. Robots Don’t Bend Their Knees

In this “inventive” episode, Special Guest and Honorary Producer Jo joins us in the magical podcasting shack. After two mistakes in a row, Scott suffers a painful injury; but don’t worry… it’ll all work out okay in the knee. He’ll kneed some help, but luckily there are Robot Nazis to look to as role models. Everyone is coming up William as he shares a story of how a past girlfriend curried favor with a horse using an ancient shark attack remedy that now has Jo considering her options. Whatever they are, they won’t involve female welders… or is that plumbers? It’s important to get these things right. William and Jo and 38,000 Seattleites lose sleep thanks to a substation raccoon transforming into a very special conductor, if it even happened at all. Surrounded by white noise, Jo’s dreams aren’t so sure. Waiting for hyperspace, William’s dreams let the monsters run free. And what is going on with the fan!? Then it’s on to more TV talk as Jo pitches Silicon Valley, Scott builds a pool table in a Man Lab, a crazy ex-girlfriend goes Conchording, and Nick Schmidt gets some New Glue Girl. We move on to Beyond the… Nerd Alert with an in-depth look at how the future is here today, featuring Elon Musk, the Human Capability Inflection Point, and the return of a mid-century podcast. We begin with voice recognition software, which has us astounded. If only it understood William’s special brand of whale-humping suaveness. He’s a melodious, mellifluous, maleficent mess. Stupid 4-year olds. VIV AI turns our intelligence into some tasty open-API utility. Self-driving and self-parking cars have us looking for road beacons and finding none, doing drugs on automotive trains, and waiting eagerly for whatever surprise Elon Musk will slip into our operating systems. Software updates! What CAN’T they do!? Even though we are screwed in Seattle, it’s still all magic and unicorns. As if. Solar City has us marveling over shrewd business models and lowered emissions while we consider the true power of snowballs, overcast panels and Power Walls, which are not just a song by Oasis. We hope it’s not too late. We return to the Falcon with talk of Space X’s reusable spacecraft and the joys of rocket shopping. Mars is the Plan B, and Elon has us covered. Is he crackpot or genius? We still don’t know. Duly inspired, William and Jo look at men’s cycling bibs that might actually be testes-loaded outer space slingshots. Scott brags about self-wearing T-Shirts. Elon takes his rocket and goes home to the moon while Scott does the same in his bathroom. Then it’s all Hawaiian pod people, introvert troubles, and dubious tacos until – with Jo’s finger hovering over the checkout button for ludicrous speed – we move on to Music in Rearview. Our music tonight Sounds Fantastic and so does baby William. It’s time for some jaunty fun while selling Slimline portable RCA record players. Chet Atkins writes the soundtrack for the country of Scott as we discuss intertwined layers of musical relationships. As the Musk Falls to Earth, we too return to our normal lives. Reverse the Polarity, the devices have awoken and the chickens are revolting!

21. Friendship Hooker

In this episode, we ponder modern “manliness”. But first, when it comes to weather, William runs hot and cold and hot.. and cold and finally looks for help underwater. Too bad he picked a fight with his inner narrator. I always win. Go drink a lady, William. Meanwhile, Scott throws up his arms and hulks out with grass grumpiness. We discover that Prince has returned to our galaxyhood and is dancing around a dwarf with his Princely berries on display. If only somebody would freeze us so we could be that cool! William updates the index on his Aldnoah review, which only makes Scott hunger for more content. Awkwardness and Discomfort is on the menu, but he can’t get a good latch on any of it. It’s a high-intrigue endurance contest of murder and boobs that may be warping William’s already-malleable brain. The word of the week is “manly” or maybe it is “useful”. Whatever the case, we go on a rip-roaring, gender-role-exploring, philosophical adventure together. After some reluctant screws, William ends up at the hardware store with his spurs clicking and ready for M4, 20-gauge fun with cabinets full of confusion and unknown dimensions. It’s as disorienting as a baseball to the chest! Scott has Wild Ass Guesses, a cunning approach, and his own rules for success. That’s why they give him multiple degrees in Things. We can’t ford a mountain pass or knit a canoe, but we CAN claim this nerdy, outlying subclass as our new model. Expand, Abandon, Eliminate! In the 700 years since 1970, at last we’ve become useful, and just in time too. Steve Martin stops by to end our segment, as with checks colliding, we wonder aloud who is paying whom in this friendship anyway. Music in Rearview flows from one thing into the same thing as we begin Episode 1 of our Special Products Series, sponsored by Malboro Country. Elmer Bernstein brings us every style of music about the number 7, if every style is one style and every song is the same song. Steak is what’s for dinner, and for some reason, xylophones are what’s for the Wild West. As the sun goes down over the horizon, we get our long little doggies and ride off with Clint and Burt to a confused ending. Yee haw! Grab your Langstrom 7-inch gangly wrench and head for the nearest Sprocket, Pardner!

20. Farts and Namaste

In this extra-extended, robot-charged episode, we make with the Mecha! As always, we start with a kidney-pleasing pre-show stretch before powering up our podcasting exoskeletons. How does the Electric Company generate all that energy? Who is the mystery woman William’s parents paid off each week? Why is money so heavy? We answer all of these questions and still have room for Ramen Noodles and water, before we are brought to a sudden halt by the memory-straining case of Kristy McNichol and the Show Note Elves. We continue our dubious guessing about things of which we know nothing by reminiscing about Battle of the Network Stars wherein we consider the athletic capabilities of Gabe Kaplan and celebrate a scandalous Baio/Diller romance. Dubiouser and Dubiouser! William reveals that his wife is having an affair with a dishwasher, which causes us to discover that the cure for sickness is a healthy dose of nursing annoyance. Scott then takes on the mantle of Mister Snake as he greets a newly-identified, mouse-hugging resident to Horn Acres. Turns out Scott has been many former people, from copperhead-leaper to tractor-caster. But wait, there’s more show! Scott finally finds his TV obsession and it’s not what either of us expected. We dive deep into anime, where skirts are raised uncomfortably, the origins of Brony culture is hypothesized, and Subbed vs. Dubbed is debated as 1970s animation co-ops an entire culture. We play the Imaging Game with anime’s version of Game of Thrones and determine that it’s as real as it needs to be. Neal Stephenson has had enough, so it’s on to the thing William did out where the things are. William celebrates progress and rediscovers comic books all in one trip to the data-driven Amazon store, now with extra cables! Thanks, data mining! Then, in hour 200, we finally turn to Music in Rearview. Brian May and friends have something to share, and it’s not good. But hey, we forced his hand, I guess. Old for any age, we endure the iconic 1983 sound of the Starfleet Project. Cheesy, badly-sung cover of a crappy TV show nobody watched? Sign me up! It’s no Triumph in any sense of the word. Finally, there’s Prince, another otherworldly, supposedly immortal artist picked off cruelly by 2016. We pay our respects to an amazing, talented musician who held to a different metric. Please, stop this segment. We don’t want to do it again. After William’s quick 7-Zark-7 flip flop, we tap into the Aldnoah Drive and head back to Terra where there’s always room for some T&A!

19. Tetrabytes

In this episode we return to our analog roots. After being singled out by the state of Texas, William considers setting up a podcasting hospitality suite in his basement while Scott provides a much-needed After Swirl. Now that’s a REAL podcast! Then we leap into some serious nerding about, digging through the media strata that stretches from a simpler, analog time to the present golden era of digital, stopping frequently at all the crap in-between. William finds some equipment that definitely isn’t cutting age, and shares a story from the archives of his complicated dating life. Or maybe it’s just a story about a temp job as a service animal. It’s all the same to him. Scott provides a media storage history lesson and ponders the ant-like task of continually pushing our content up the hill of changing formats until we break through the Cloud. William does a 720 after Scott brings up his podcasting boyfriend, and before you know it, we shoot for the stars. Scott traces the path of a truck-load of filing cabinets of ancient, unique, suddenly sought-after scientific data on a knee-shattering, Herculean journey that ends at his shed. Are there planets in there? Maybe! Whatever the case, it’s a question of potentially universal, naming-rights significance! William admits that he failed to properly grasp the gravity of the situation, but at least, thanks to some Idle worship, he passed his Astronomy exam. SETI? Folding? Too much Nerding? How about MORE nerding with Sounds from Spaaaace? We pay homage to a reclusive performer known as Dr. Shorn with some contemplative heavy breathing and a visit from the always sexy Cassini spacecraft. Can you say pia07966? Turns out other people could too, but don’t tell Dr. Shorn. Take a trip to Shed Planet with us, we’ve got Aimee Mann on MiniDisc!

18. Clothed and Anxious

In this episode, we look for options in our closed systems. We begin with a phlegmy, loopy, tinkly opening that heralds the arrival of the inappropriately-titled Nut Brown Maiden. Scott gives props to the amazing Murdervan who saved the Horns from certain doom, but may have had a hand in causing it. William announces that our pinup career is off to a rousing, pinching, scuttling start, if being the poster boys of Happy, Introverted and Dorky is a thing. Naked and Afraid? Why not? Scott has the alphabetized ass for it. Then we both freak-out with a serious discussion of anxiety, depression, options, and regrets which leads to the story of William’s initial Seattle migration and closet-living hermitage and Scott’s recent scheduling struggles that again sees the return of the Murdervan, this time as a mobile work studio that may be more enabling than helpful. Finally, somebody is sending William very bossy notifications. Turns out it is past William, that jerk! Who will win this epic battle of Wills? Then it’s time for Music in Rearview, where the theme is one of musical crushes. Scott’s heart is like a Linda Rondstadt-shaped wheel and he shares both his early-onset empathy and his creative, clinical and very specific pornography solution in the pre-Internet age. For William it was all about Tori Amos who has the power to both move you and serve as an early-warning alarm. Scott wonders what’s up with that log in the woods. William shops for Jewels with his groin. Things get antsy quickly. Everyone take a breath. Everything is okay. Away, bounding boxes!

17. Potluck Power Out

In this episode, we are confronted by a tapestry of disaster. William motorboats through a disaster of an opening segment, as Scott, juiced on java bean elixir, patiently explains the finer points of multi-track editing. William plays “Shoot Right for the Dumb” with a rant about underhanded Discovery Channel tactics before we dive headfirst into a discussion of our staggering Wendy Carlos ignorance. Moral of the story? We are the ones who are out of potatoes. We break the stupid loop of perpetual correction by checking in on the hairstylings of the local delousing treatment center, the amazing word technology that is “Carplay”, and William’s misguided plans to bulk purchase Tesla automobiles. Goodbye, combustion engine! You were a gas! Then, surprisingly, we go beyond the porch as the Horns set their cat alarm and take a Family Duty Spring Break at a state park lodge that promises all the dry snack food you can eat, wandering hallway moose, and a very shaky notion of fire safety. As the howling wind and darkness force the Horns into the cold, we all know this can only be William’s fault. Time to find Someplace Interesting. In a full-blown potluck panic, William faces an intense obligation to supply a Midwestern-sized feast, the sickening potential of cod roe, and the desire to attempt a daring IKEA meatball heist. At least he beat Sherlock Holmes at his own game. Scott isn’t worried. He’s a potluck wizard, and sounds the whooo alarm to begin Music in Rearview. Disaster abounds with the soundtrack of Airport. Also abounding, much illicit sexy times, Oscar-winning stowaways, and a shortage of track-naming ideas. We end as we began, with Scott patiently explaining the concept of two-dimensional media, and with a disaster of a close as William forgets where he is and what is is doing. Sound the Klaxons, Moneypenny, and join us for Up And Cumberbach! Who’s the Dope Now?

16. Rimsky-Korsakovsplaining

In this episode, we face the big, confusing world and try to gain some control over it. William shares a very narrow and obscure superpower as Scott seeks Spinal Tap clarification but perhaps achieves only obfuscation. We travel beyond the porch where William visits the World’s Tiniest Wetlands and assists a Great Blue Herring in some social observation and chicken frightening while Scott laments his past ousting from his Childhood Retention Cave by some do-gooder nephews and a rogue water heater. William endures caucus chaos in a low-rent Breakfast Club where meaningless neighborhood lines are hotly contested while Scott discovers he’s in a low-rent Speed where his listening retention depends directly on his GPS movements. William then heads to the symphony and Scott to the doctor’s office where we find out how to composersplain, the art of loud but complimentary elder marriages, and finally who Susan REALLY is. Scott says goodbye to both the segment and his hair by refusing to play along with the baldness cover-up orchestrated by Big Barbershop. Set it on Number Two, Number One! If that wasn’t enough, and honestly it probably should have been, we see what ridiculous musical act Scott has invented this week. Turns out, it is Walter Carlos of early electronic music fame. After a quick test-tone balancing for maximum enjoyment, we are off into the wonders of the synthesizer in the pre-sequencer age where we discover that electronic music actually is rocket science, that Eric Idle loves to photobomb, and that Walter not only has a well-tempered synthesizer but a much more interesting life and discography than either of us imagined. This one goes to 11!

15. Piloted Against Nature

In this episode, we dream a little dream called podcast. Still feeling the sting of our Twitter-bot smack down, we lament the bizarre narrowcasting that we’ve come to as a society in the Age of Correction, and then immediately yearn for the Twitter-bot-bump. It’s a complicated relationship. The Mound of Doom takes revenge on Scott with an itching, burning plaque of “poison something” while William expresses sympathy with a story of his own backwoods betrayal. We greet a new listener baby, who arrives in this world with an entourage of community-sponsored dinners, which is enough to set William’s stomach scheming. William then takes on the mantle of Mr. Raw Deal, first losing a battle of common sense with his wife, and then at the Edge of Disaster, gaining moral superiority with Apple as level-1 support turns out to be as level-1 as you might expect. Dreams are next as William rearranges his into neatly-aligned packages, while being chased by jaguars. Brain-fed by podcasts (the natural sleep aid), Scott executes a unique body subroutine that is responsible for saving many a dream child. William shares his experiments in lucid dreaming, which are actually twisted sleep studies in repeated lucid wakings. Is NyQuil actually peyote? Do cats dream of coyotes? Why is William screaming? Why is Scott falling down? This whole sleep thing is dangerous. We take welcome refuge in the familiar musical arms of Stereophonic Sound with Sugar, Spice and Rudolph Friml and the world’s first stereo-scored orchestra, complete with a Westrex cutter head system with a scully lathe! We demonstrate our expert foreign language skills, debate cheesecake and beefcake, and through the waterfall of entwining lines of sound, visit both Julie Newmar and Nigel Tufnel. Luxury!

14. Wussy Pillow

In this episode Spring has sproinged for both of us. William celebrates hawt toilet paper couture with a hefty deposit to his Daylight Savings Account, and then reveals that he was the classic-computer-using prodigy behind some of the most inane afternoon television promos of the early 1980s. Scott confirms the clueless husband bias, even if you happen to be Jack Ryan, and provides some much-needed wife-annoyance advice. Then it is time for comparative bird studies featuring the noisy bird brigade of Washington versus the elusive red-winged blackbirds of Ohio, who we are pretty sure have been hired as the muscle in a protection racket (rabbit). Bitten by the seasonal clearing bug, Scott heads JUST beyond the porch to the Mound of Doom, which claims the life of a hedge trimmer, but yields an important archaeological discovery. It’s a real bonfire of the Insanities. Buoyed up by his success, Scott takes a trip to a flea market, which as it turns out is named exactly for what you’d think it would be named for, but holds many priceless treasures of a long-forgotten age, all for under two dollars admission. We end with a visit to an Irish Spring as the Skip Jacks tell us how things are in Glocca Mora. Turns out, things are full of Stereophonic sound dating back to the 1880s and heavily researched by Googling. But wait, there’s more. What begins as a Skippy Jacky ditty turns into an in-depth literally critique of a Longfellow poem. Who could see that coming? Bells are Ringing for both Dean Martin and Bing Crosby, who as it turns out, are not the same person. Sweet? Hot? Blue? Triple check!

13.  No / Go No

In this episode we get the GO for manned podcast flight. William blasts off into a hair-singeing story of his burning undercarriage, explains the convoluted and time-intensive process of quality podcasting, and learns the hard truth about husbands. Scott reveals the identity of a hardcore fan who leaves us our first Fanbook facepost. Then we slingshot around the topic of Mythbusters and edutainment programs as William struggles with denial and endings and Scott rankles at rusted logos and announcersplaining. We settle in for a long orbit around the Word of the Week of “hobbies,” covering the distance from the world’s hardest card game to slot cars dreams and hot wheel afternoons to the inevitable avocation vocation. Then it’s suddenly all about sine waves, meter bands, and megahertzes as, armed with an ancient Radio Shack instructional clay tablet, Scott plans his trip to Hamvention, with acres of tables of old computer crap and vintage video games. At the end of our journey, we do reach the moon – “Music Out of the Moon,” to be exact, a 1957 gem that served as Neil Armstrong’s road trip mix tape and sneakily introduced the Theremin to the wider populace, whether they wanted it or not. FIDO! It’s a Go No!

12.  My God… It’s Full of Zeroes!

In this episode, we fight off sleep by delving into some dark areas at the edge of the map. After some late night galumphing, William discovers a possible intruder and he and his wife find that they have very different views on how to resolve the situation. We discuss security and the effectiveness of flashing criminals your naughty bits as a means of determent. Scott, on the other hand, is busy serving other people’s agendas from dawn to dusk while mulling over how to avoid becoming physiologically damaged by any and all levels of parenting quality. Somebody needs some ShornTime™, stat! Then it’s back into the darkness as William is obligated to have a “unique dining experience” by dim candlelight with a GPS-tagged wait staff, some blunt instruments and some questionable traditions. We venture into the strange, shadowy past of bands who make movies, save theme parks, and star in video games, struggle with our own relevant knowledge of music, and then quickly turn to horror as a last resort. Yes, it’s Five Nights at Freddie’s and the FNAF fan music, which brings us murderous robot bears, dubious advice for both today’s youth and the impressionable William and a visit from some old friends. William is a delicate flower. Scott is already asleep. Get listening before the sun comes up!

11. Where Have you Gone, Joe DiMeowggio?

In this episode, we grapple time and things that devour time. William discovers that his wife is the next Bill Gates and reacts to Getting Things Done by running and screaming to the safe havens of paper, pencil, and plausible deniability. Scott first breaks the laws of the State of Ohio to celebrate a positive life change with the good folks at the BMV and then honors the laws of math with a slight correction. From there we launch into the heady world of in-app purchases. William feeds fake food to fake cats for real money, battles Tubbs, and tries to achieve 100 percent cats before he achieves 100 percent broke. Inspired by the Daytona 500, Scott drives his Gambling Addiction Training Program to virtual glory and starts on his 480-hour journey to racing domination or in-app whale status, whatever comes first. Finally, after William’s harrowing tale of accidental multi-player abuse, we experience the DNA echoes of Rush’s Hemispheres with a part of a part of of a prelude to other parts, which still takes us most of the month to hear (and we don’t complain about it a bit).

10. Unchained Murdervan

In this episode, we revisit familiar ground to take another look. We begin with a catalog of corrections wherein we celebrate our first listener email (text), Scott reveals he retroactively invented the sleep button, and things get very heavy (water). From there, it’s back to the movies where Deadpool’s origin story surprises the parents of a 6-year old, causes Scott to question his own parenting, and threatens to influence William’s drive home. We discuss whether seeing movies in public is really worth the hassle and William’s awkwardness with strangers, before Scott is bequeathed with a truly valuable inheritance. Then we all climb into Scott’s van for an update on VanCam180(squared). But wait! Turns out, Scott’s van has it’s own origin story, and it’s one about a plucky, dented vehicle with stained, mismatched interior and an attitude that would have killed Scott were it not for his Scotty-sense™ (insert bumper). We finish with the precocious and talented 8-year-old musician, Angelina Jordan, who calms our nerves… until we discover the endorsements she attracts.

9: Guglorious, Norway

In this episode, we fall back into our comfort zones. Unshaven and alone, William gorges himself on nuts and stoner movies. Overscheduled and overworked, Scott tries to resist the lure of the Great American Pastime known as eating fast food in a parking lot, and eventually discovers the true value of this podcast. But then, the train to Norway arrives, which sends us on an engrossing, virtual journey to small, snowy cities and sprawling mountain vistas. As we consider our relocation options, Scott hatches a plan that involves confusing fellow drivers and enclosing visitors in an especially creepy van-shaped box in his basement. We end our brief European trip with a visit from Max Helmut Wessels and a rare German record that just may prove to be the answer to both our dreams.

8: Angry Bubbles

In this episode, we venture out of our comfort zones and dream about island living. After a hearty, rousing tale of food poisoning, William conquers his social anxiety to play a game where no winner is the winner, and then sets sail to a more northerly exposure where horses are horses and septic tanks are mystical. After being awarded a merit badge for hunger at an badly-planned “business meeting”, Scott gets quite drangry and fantasizes about moving to a volcanic paradise where entrees are plentiful and the only hot air being spewed his way comes from a mountain. We end up enjoying a trio of tropical tunes, which becomes quite personal for William, but in the end is just the warm, soothing breeze we both desperately need. Don HO!

7: Three Cheese Mustard Sandwich

In this episode, we confront our own cheesy haplessness. We begin by battling basement and house clutter and move quickly into a rambling discourse on living the single life while married and strange ways our parents tried to alternately shelter us or prepare us for the world (and sometimes both at the same time). We end up taking on a three-cheese medley of music together, which transports us into the land of the bicentennial, the dubious plethora of variety shows in that era, and and the unsolved mystery of what William was doing locked in a closet in music class singing to the Bay City Rollers. Nibble on bacon and chew on cheese with us podcasting muskrats this week!

6: Select Phone!

In this episode, we let it all loose. We debate whether William’s continuing cold or his recently-learned fetus fact is more disgusting all while listening carefully for Mug Sign™, have a return visit from Jo as she provides a retraction and a promise of retracting her retraction later in ever-widening circles of clarification, yell at our devices and wonder why they don’t understand (NOTHING is hovering!), and end up in the land of proto-uber-neo-eurogirlpop with color commentary and real-time German translations from the Sniffling Googler.

5: DOUBLE cheese. For FREE.

In this episode we circle back on ourselves with the first appearance by our Executive Producer, Jo. We rankle with jump cuts, visit the ghosts of podcasts past, discuss a Subway employee who might be putting too much “art” into our sandwiches, and end up in a cathartic chat about the Thin White Duke and the non-ordinary world he shared with us before he left.

4: Bears are like Squirrels to Them

In this episode, we explore the wilderness of an unseen year by looking back to look forward. We learn what a cough-button is; visit local, hapless news reporters on New Year’s Eve; travel to British Columbia with a bear whisperer; drop four stone on potassium-rich foods, and end up in a musical reminiscence of some obscure singers named Geddy Lee and Michael Stipe. Oh Canada!

3: Santas On Fire

In this special holiday episode, we explore traditions, investigate dubious holiday specials (with or without leg warmers), and listen to some top-shelf musical delights that may or may not require a call to the authorities. From the glory of the week between, we wish you a very happy season from Mr. Sniffles and The Man Who Shall Not Play Dio.

2: SqueakLounger Seats

In this episode, we leave the down-low and go up-high by revealing our names. If that wasn’t enough excitement for you, we visit Scott’s junk pile, venture beyond the porch on a jankity 1970s ferry, celebrate William’s birthday with a far-too-honest three-year-old, and eventually land firmly in Star Wars glee. Only the Muffs can rouse us from a nerd afterglow, which they do with a sampler pack of low-cost, Ohio-flavored “homages” to many well-known 70s and 80s bands. Impressive. Most Impressive.

1: Geeks of a Certain Age

In our premiere episode, we discover ourselves, we kick technology to a background process (this is NOT a tech podcast!), William is drowned by a waterpik, and Scott shares a musical journey with Black Russian.